Love is a Battlefield

The thing about love, at least I think so, is that you never really know that you have it until it's too late... or almost too late in some instances.

Of course, I can't speak from experience. Aside from the familial love that I have for my friends and family, I've never had that real, deep, heart-breaking kind of love that other people have had.

That's the problem with love though, isn't it. For all the good that it can bring and the good that it can make you feel, the good doesn't always outweigh the bad. It's like life really; no matter how good it is, you always seem to focus and remember the bad times.

I think that's why it scares me so much. It never seems to end all 'happily ever after' unless you're reading about it in a romance book. Hell, even television shows and movies are reflecting the realities of life more than ever and showing that not everything ends all wrapped up in a nice little bow. It makes you wonder if it's even worth the hurt that is ultimately the end. But then you have to wonder what the world would be like without love. It is, after all, a driving force behind so much even when it's misdirected and overwhelming.

I watch this amazing British show called "Skins" and within the series they really are able to sum up how love it in one amazing set of dialogue.

Cassie: Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before... try and keep that feeling, because... if it goes... you'll never get it back
Chris: What happens then?
Cassie: You lay waste to the world... and everything in it.

This really is an amazing quote. It's so full of raw emotional power that you can feel the pain that love can bring on when it's been abused and taken away. Because what is a broken heart but the sudden forceful removal of love from someone? And from that sudden extraction come emotions which make you want to just get revenge, closure, anything that will make you feel more like a person and less like emptiness.

After all, isn't it a ritual to destroy anything that reminds you of the person who conquered and then defeated and pulverized your heart? I know that even with the few boyfriends that I have had I burned pictures and love notes that they had given to me during the time that we were together. Hell, there are even photos documenting the eradication of them. It's cleansing for the soul or something... at least it's supposed to be.

It really just proves that love can cause more damage than hate ever could because hate springs eternal from love just as love can come from hate. It all really plays into the whole 'circle of life' thing to take an example from "The Lion King".

Of course, this is just what I think. I suppose that when I actually experience the shattering feeling inside that you get when your heart has been figuratively ripped from your chest I'll know for sure, but for right now just from observing life this is what I imagine it to all be.

Bonjour Unemployment!

So, summer is over and so is my job. This means that I am unemployed and seeking some form of payment so that I can save money for school and not wind up living in a box under a bridge.

However, right now I'm taking time and visiting friends in Montreal and it's quite relaxing.

Of course, as soon as I let myself relax the creeping fear shows up once again and reminds me that my money is starting to dwindle and that I need another job. Preferably one where I don't have to pay rent.

It would also be nice to not have to live with a parent. Or another roommate. My hermit tendencies never mesh well with prolonged exposure to someone in my space. It's a problem, I know, but not one that I have to deal with for a while.

Being single means that you don't HAVE to share personal space with anyone. Being an only child just reinforces that.

I'm not going to lie though, it would be nice to have someone to share my miserable existence with. Someone to share being unemployed. Actually, scratch that. I don't want to be with someone who is also unemployed unless he's in school or something and doing something with his life.

Hey, a girl has to have some standards.

Aparently I have enough to keep me off of the dating scene.

Whatever.

Who knows, maybe unemployment will coax out Mr. Right Now of not Mr. Right.