And The Verdict Is...

So it's official. This girl is not going to be returning to school next year.

Fucking politics and policies.

Really? I mean, come on.

In a fair society you would think that, since I went through all of the trouble of writing a petition to the Dean of my faculty, was brutally honest, sincere, and downright begging, you would think that they would cut me a little slack. Especially when being on academic probation wasn't even my fault to begin with but was due to my body hating me and wanting to ruin my life any way possible.

First over 6 months on liquids only and now this.

You know, I think that I knew that I was going to get bad news when I got home last night. I was driving home from the movies, it was dark and the highway was basically void of life and I couldn't stop wondering what would happen if I just kept driving until something stopped me. Screw work, screw worried parents, screw life. At the time I just wanted to be alone driving down a deserted road.

Hindsight being what it is, driving would have been a better option than coming home and reading a very nice e-mail stating that I have to withdraw from school for a whole year. The real kicker was this little add on at the bottom - "I would encourage you to use the year off productively if you intend to re-apply since the committee reviewing re-admissions looks favourably on applicants who have made the most of their time outside of the University."

It's almost a slap in the face. Exactly what else am I going to do for an entire year but 'be productive' until I can re-apply? Hello, I'm not going to live in my parent's basement and play guitar hero for 12 months straight with no job and nothing else to occupy my time. Granted, that would be hard to do anyways since I don't own Guitar Hero nor do I currently live in a basement at my dad's house. He doesn't even have a basement...

The point is, I'm going to get whatever kid of job that I can as soon as my summer employment is done and I'm going to make money to pay off my student loans until I can start wracking them up again. Hopefully I can even make enough money to NOT have to get any more loans and just fund myself through the last few years of scholastic life. Ahhh... the dreams that one can have...

To add to my already sucking life, I have no social life outside of one day a week when I sometimes see friends on my day off. I work 40 hours a week with people who are all more than twice my age - though absolutely amazing - and there are basically no people around who are my age; the few that there are I can pretty much count on one hand. This leaves absolutely no opportunities for a summer romance let alone a real relationship which might finally result in the losing of my 21 year old virginity.

I lead a pathetic life. I really do.

On the bright side, my dad bought me back my horse that he sold a few years ago. This guy is an absolute giant and a huge baby. I love him and I spend as much free time with him as possible.

See, I really don't have a life.