So I am stuck in the middle of nowhere until I can sort my life out and make something of myself, and because of that I have to survive on dial-up at home or trek into the coffee shop in town and steal their internet while nursing a latte. Trust me, I don't want to be here but it's a last ditch resort since it's rent free thanks to my mother and I was able to find a job here at the local pharmacy.
This isn't how I imagined my life was going to pan out.
No, when I thought about what life would be like at 22, I never imagined working with high schoolers who think I'm their age, living with my mother, or being in social Siberia.
Nope, I thought that I would be finishing up my last year of University, hanging out with my friends, going to the bar a few times a month. Basically I thought that I would be living the student life and that I would then just be able fall into the adult world with a fantastic job in publishing and that would be that. My life would be made and I would be happy.
But no, I now have to live in the semi-real world and revert back into someone who I was in high school and someone that I never wanted to be again.
What's really sad is that I really have no friends here to hang out with or talk to. Either they are at school, or in another city, or I just plain lost touch with them since we all left for higher education. To be honest, there are few people from those years that I would even want to associate with anymore. So, really, it's a personal choice that I have no friends here now.
It's still sad.
I always was the type of person who would rather have a few close friends who I could count on than a lot of friends who were able to stab you in the back the minute that it was turned. Still, I have had my fair share of those ones.
What I really wish that I could just do would be to get a work visa for the States, move to New York or Boston or Los Angeles, get a job that I would love doing, and just live life happy. However I don't see that happening any time soon.
What I fear most is that I will be stuck in this Hell Hole of a town, fall into the white trash stereotype, get pregnant, and lower everything about myself to live an unhappy life and die with nothing to show for it other than children who would be doomed to repeat my mistakes.
I don't want to live a dead end life and I fear that that is what is happening to me. I just don't know how to stop it and I think that that scares me even more.
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