Tell Satan I said 'Hi'

I seriously loathe my roommate. It's not just the guy that she has over, the banging of her headboard, and the shower parties at 2am; no, it's more than that.

Let's start with the fact that she's a real actress. I'm talking turning on the waterworks when she has to, the fake-niceness that she has around everyone - only to talk about them behind their backs later - and her general 'nice girl' act. But then there's the act that she puts on to make people believe that she's something other than who she really is: an evil whore.

Now, I've only come to realize that this is what she does. Before, when we were just friends - a term that I now use loosely - she would go off in the middle of a movie and start to scrub the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. She wanted us to think that she was insanely OCD about her apartment being clean. Since living with her, I have come to realize that it was, in fact, an act to make her seem perfect or something. Here's the truth though.

1. She hasn't cleaned the bathroom in god knows how long and the first time that I cleaned it this year I was scrubbing off stains. You don't get stains on a bathtub unless you never wash it. She even remarked about the stains after, being all 'Oh wow you got them off!'. All I did was clean the bathtub like I would have cleaned any other one.
No, her idea of cleaning the bathtub is closing the shower curtain to hide the filth.

2. It is the season where salt and sand are everywhere to combat slipping on ice so it is inevitable that when it sticks to your shoes it is tracked into the house. Being in a small apartment, there is only so much sand a person can take before it starts to really piss you off. Especially when all traffic has to trek through the sand, leading to it being transferred into other rooms. The amount of dirt that I have sucked up with the vacuum is disturbing and she, as far as I know, has never done it. She also doesn't take her shoes off on the mat, making it so that there's more dirt than need be on the floor.

3. The girl can't properly load a dishwasher to save her life. Generally, this is something that is learned at an early age and even if you don't grow up with a dishwasher, it's freaking common knowledge how things should fit. The times have been numerous where something wasn't able to be washed because she had it where it wouldn't get washed. She never turns on the dishwasher either - however since I'm usually the one that does that I can re-arrange things so that it is right. At least she empties the dishes, though never seems to make sure that they're actually clean before putting them away...
She also doesn't grasp the concept that, if all bowls, pots, and forks are dirty and are in the dishwasher, then maybe it's time to turn it on? It's not that big and can't fit that much so it fills fairly quickly.
She's just stupid, I think.

4. When she's putting on her act for people, she always moves my things. I can then never find them where I left them and it takes forever to find them. Thank you, you are not my mother, so don't touch my stuff. It's not a hard concept to understand. Obviously I left my things there for a reason. Ask me if you want them moved. Really, not that hard!


A friend of mine thinks that some of this hatred stems from me being jealous of her slutty ways and her slutty boyfriend.

Yes, I hate feeling like a part of a threesome that I do not want to be involved with when I'm forced to listen to them going at it. Thanks, if I wanted a ménage-a-trois I could find one that I wanted to be in. Hell, if I wanted to have sex in the first place, I'd find someone myself. I don't generally watch porn, I don't want to have to listen to it either.

I also don't pay rent every month to be forced to listen to it either. I mean, really, is it so much to ask that when you do it you make sure that your headboard doesn't bang against the freaking wall? Shove a pillow in between, screw on the car, lay horizontally across the bed, I'm not even having the sex and I can think of solutions to the noise problem!

And as for the shower, do that when I'm not home. Simple. It would be different if my bed wasn't right on the wall that is shared between my room and the bathroom, but that's how it is.

Sometimes, I would really just like to go all Jedi on her ass...

Maybe then she would be a decent roommate.